Conversations with the mister.....

Watching a scary movie with the mister after dinner. Guy in movie tells his wife to ignore the ghost, they'll go away.
Me: wonder if that works on husbands?
Him: *picks up phone* Siri find me an apartment.
Me: *grabs phone* Siri where is a good place to bury a body?
Him: *shoots me dirty look*
Siri: very funny
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Getting ready for bed...
Me: *crawling into bed* grrr grunt snarl rawr
Him: *looks at me like I'm crazy*
Me: that's "I love you" in zombie
Him: is it?
Me: yeah, I told myself I was gonna learn a new language this year, and since all the GMOs are probably going to turn us into zombies I figured it would come in handy.
Him: *looks at me over his kindle trying not to smile*

He knows I'm hilarious.

 

 

Dodging the Zombie bullet....

I get home from California and unload the car. Throw laundry in washer, order take out and start going thru the junk mail piled up for me. Basically if it's not a bill or a personal envelope I'll just tear it in half and toss it.
Me: tearing up junk mail.... Last piece of mail explodes and I'm covered in goo.
"Omgz my mail splooged on me! Am I SARS positive now?!?!"
Upon closer inspection, I tore mail that had a hair conditioner sample in it. least my arm smells good for when take out gets delivered and I'm not going to turn into a zombie. Bonus to it not being the zombie, I found something that grossed the mister out.