Weighing in on the new diet...

So the Mister declared this house to be a "Paleo" house.  (Those who don't know what the Paleo diet is, its basically non-processed meat, veggies, fruit and some nuts. THATS IT! Boring... I dig my cheese, carbs and candy.) I've been half assing the diet when he's not around, but its not hard for me to get snarky around meal times. Especially when it comes to me not being able to eat what I'm actually craving. Like last night.  I took it out on his veggies.

In the kitchen. I'm eating a wedge of a granny smith while he roots around in the fridge to figure out what he's going to eat as a side to what we're grilling.
Me: So did you figure it out?
Him: *looking a little longer, like he's praying a beer flavored veggie appears in there* Yeah. *pulls out a cucumber*
Me: *casually looks over while still nibbling my apple slices* Are you sure you want to eat *that* one?!
Him: uh, yeah...*looks at cucumber and then me* WAIT! what did you do to it?!?!
Me: *grins* nuttin.....
Him: Christ....
This is where I start laughing so hard I have to put the apple down and he realizes that I'm only fucking with him.  Or at least he's praying I am.

Fast forward to the cucumber already cut up and in a bowl. He then proceeds to cut up an onion and tosses that in the bowl too along with a handful of cherry tomatoes.
Me:*looks in the bowl*
Him: *looking at me*
Me: Do you know what would go great with that salad?
Him: What?
Me: lettuce...
Him: *puts me in a half ass choke hold and smacks me on the ass*
(Those that don't know... he hates lettuce.  He calls it filler.  He always eliminates it from anything he's making. Like his BLTs are just BTs.  Tho' he doesn't want to look fussy in resturants and just deals with it.)

So now you know the story of how I almost didn't survive day 4 of the Paleo diet.